The Ghost
by Cbaby
Summary: Edward leaves, Bella is heartbroken and after waking up from her slumber like depression she was overdoses to get away from the pain, when Alice is the only one who can save her, will she be able to do it?
1. Chapter 1: The Ghost

Hey, well this is my story, I've had writers block over my story Forever Young, so I'd thought I'd do this one, which just popped in my head. Now I don't own Twilight or New Moon or this song which is by Shake Angel, a new band over here that actually started in my high school, there going to be big, anyway the song is called The Ghost and I hope you liked it. ENJOY AND REVIEW.

APOV

I had to find Edward. This was my first and only thought, as I rushed from the hospital, where I just spent the last five days, after finding Bella. I didn't want to leave her side; the poor girl had no one. And I wouldn't have to if Edward would just answer his goddamn mobile. But of course he wouldn't. Not when he saw that it was me calling. It was because I had kept on badgering about how he needed go back to save Bella. I had seen her in a bad way and I knew the only way that she was going to snap out of it, was if he was to come back, but he was as stubborn as ever. So I came instead and that's when I found her.

**My eyes could drown this room in a matter of days**

**My heart could keep the strongest beat while the band plays**

Bella had overdosed. I had seen it right before my eyes and by the time I got to her, she had already sallowed the pills, which she then washed down with a large gulp of alcohol. But I luckily I wasn't too late. She hadn't died; no I made sure of that. I rushed her to a hospital, but the lethal had already hit her bloodstream and made their way to her brain, putting her in a coma. But then again a coma is better than death, right?

Well that's what I thought at first. I mean I only thought she'd be asleep for a couple of days and then she'd wake up fine and dandy. But she hasn't woken up yet and unless she does soon, then I'm afraid she never will.

**I'm so dead scared that from this bed you'll never wake**

**Tangle up in sheets your body doesn't look like you **

**Let's lay a kiss on your face**

That's why I had to find Edward, he needed to change her and if he didn't then I definitely would. I will not let my little sister die like this; no one deserves to die like this, because unless Bella woke up or a family member came, they had no choice but to take her off life support. This is why I definitely had to find Edward. But where to look?

**And I'm praying from the side of the road**

**Because I couldn't even make the drive home**

Closing my eyes, I saw him, at a bar, that looked like it was having a open mike night. But still that didn't help me; I mean there are plenty of bars in America. I searched the vision trying to see if there was anything significant. THERE! Behind the stage there was a sign that said that "Sleepy Jackson". Of course Edward had been crazy about the bar ever since he had moved, and he became even more involved with his music. And now all I had to do is get to him time for him to save Bella before it was too late.

**And this night is haunting like a ghost**

**That takes from me what I love most**

I got to the Sleepy Jackson in no time, but now all I had to do was search for Edward. I tried calling out to him with my mind, but either he was ignoring me or he couldn't hear him, since the music was so damn loud. With the all the smoke and noise I'm surprised anyway could see let alone hear anything. Used to breathing, I inhaled the smoky atmosphere that sent my lungs in a coughing frenzy, out of habit nothing else. This almost sent be running out of the bar and just giving up, but when my mind flashed back to Bella, lying there alone, looking so pale and gaunt, I knew I couldn't.

**I watched your heart beat**

**As glowing peaks haunt the morn in the screen.**

I had not sat by her bedside for five days, morning and night, just to give up like this. She deserved so much better from life and to watch have a machine breath for her, when she should be here with us, with her family, well that was a good enough reason to keep me going.

**Your lungs filled with air from machines that will keep you here with me**

And I was going to keep on going, until she was here with us, once again.

**This room so cold but your hard is warm as a hold in mine**

**This week as been the longest I have in my whole life**

I still couldn't find Edward and really didn't help when I was so short. I needed to get to some place where I could see everyone and where I could easily get a message out. Scanning around the room, I found the perfect place, THE STAGE!!

Pushing my way to the front, I climbed up on stage and grabbed one of the guitars that were lying around from the last band and made my way to the microphone.

"Ahh, hi my name is Alice and this song goes out to Edward Cullen, who's in the audience somewhere. And this is about a special friend of ours Bella. I hope you enjoy it." A si said this I finally located him, he was slumped over on a stool near the edge of the bar, looking at me like I was crazy and maybe I was, I mean I have been in an asylum and everything, that's got to mean something. But whatever I had to do this.

With my eyes on him the whole time, I sang while gently strumming the guitar, singing words that just came straight from the heart, all the while sending pictures of Bella to Edward.

"**And I'm praying from the side of the road **

**Coz I couldn't even make the drive home**

**And this night is haunting like a ghost**

**That takes from me what I love most…"**

The message was getting through to him, I could see it on his face, but I kept going. He needed to know everything.

"**And I'd sell my soul I'd sell my soul to keep you alive**

**Because what if eternity isn't quite like what we had in mind**

**And this earth and this life is all we have **

**Well I'd sell my soul I'd risk it all for that…"**

Edward, I told him, giving him a break from the visions as it looked like it was really hurting him, there's more.

He gave me a nod as if to say ok, what else. So I continued strumming, as the crowd kept swaying to the music.

"**They said she wouldn't make it through**

**If she doesn't wake by Saturday**

**And even if she doesn't wasn't likely that she'd ever be the same…"**

Edward, I don't think she's going to wake up, I don't see it happening, at all. This is all I see…

"**So I fall on my knees and I beg and I scream and I pray**

**And I'm sitting on side of the road**

**In the pouring rain…"**

I showed him the vision, of Bella's life support machine being turned off. I showed him dry sobbing in the meadow, I showed him at her funeral, with us being the only people turn up. And then I told him that unless he changed her, that was her future, no way about it.

I had come to the end of my song and I politely excused myself off stage much to the disappoint of my newly acquired fans. As I was leaving the building, a hand grabbed my upper arm, turning me around.

"There is no chance that she could survive?" Edward asked pained and scared." She won't wake up?"

"Edward, even she does, she'll have brain damage, she won't be able to function, it'll be like she's already dead…" I went to say more, but my eyes clouded over, as I pulled into a vision.

"**Hospital staff crowded around Bella's bed, as they argued. No one had come to claim, none of blood relatives anyway. They needed the bed; they were taking her off the life support…" **

And then as soon as that vision ended another one came…

"**Bella's life support machine being turned off, Bella's heart rate slowly going down. Then stops completely. Bella Swan died."**

"Oh no," I wailed, throwing myself into Edward's arms.

"What, what happened?" Edward asked frantic, as he couldn't read my mind, as I had put my mind block up.

"They've already made up their mind, their turning of the life support. She's going to die." And that's when I let him, to show him the visions and then the one of him crying in the funeral, over and over again, unable to make it stop.

"No, they can't do that. They can't!" he sobbed hysterically, breaking out my grasp. "I won't let them; I won't let them take her away from me!!!!!!!"

**And I'm praying from the side of the road**

**Coz I couldn't even make the drive home**

**And this night is haunting like a ghost**

**That takes from me what I love most.**


	2. Chapter 2: All The Things She Said

**Author's Note:**

OK, now I know some of you may want to know what happens to Bella. Does she survive? Does Edward changer her? Or will he be too late??? But I decided just to kill you with suspense, which is why I will go back to when Edward left Bella. So you'll have to bear with me for a while, you'll find out what happens when I know. Now I know this song may seem pretty strange to use, seeing as it was sung by two girls pretending to be lesbians, but if you just listen to the lyrics, you'll see why I choose it. Anyway the song is All the things she said by t.A.T.u. and I choose this song because if you imagine it from Edward's point of you, he's remembering all the things that happened between him and Bella and how it's tormenting him and he wish that could make it better, but he cant coz he wants to keep her safe. So enough explaining for now, let's get to it.

Chapter 2:

"**All the things she said  
all the things she said  
Running through my head  
running through my head  
running through my head  
(Running through my head)"**

Bella. Bella. The name kept on running through my head; it wouldn't stop, as much as I wanted it to. As much as I wanted to forget her so that I get on with my life, just like I want Bella, I wouldn't let myself. I couldn't let myself. I should suffer for what I had just done to her. I have never seen a person look the way she did, when I told her I was leaving and she could not come with me. It was as if I had ripped her heart out of chest right then and there.

"**All the things she said  
all the things she said  
Running through my head  
running through my head  
(Running through my head)  
this is not enough"**

At this exact point in time, I was rushing home to my house, to tell them that I had told Bella and that we had to leave now. Though I'm sure Alice has already seen it, I had to do it anyway, maybe so that I knew it was too late to take back what I already done.

"**I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost  
If I'm asking for help it's only because  
Being with you has opened my eyes  
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?"**

The tires screeched, as I pulled up at the house, to see my family ready to go. Each one of them looked at me, I don't think I've ever seen so many disappointed people and they were all disappointed in me, in what I had done. I tried to find the words, as I got out of the car, to somehow explain why I had this, but I couldn't think of anything. I knew what ever I thought would never condone the pain I had brought on someone who I wholeheartedly loved so much. Nothing I could ever say would make up for it, not to Alice, Rosalie, Emmet and Jasper, who had all just lost a person who they considered to be a sister. Not to Carlisle or Esme, who considered Bella to be their daughter, they had all welcomed her into their lives so warmly and I had just savagely ripped her from them.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked hoarsely, my throat dry, as I looked at their cold stares, heard their not so friendly thoughts.

"That depends," Alice said, walking down the stairs," are you considering about going back to Bella and telling her what a complete and utter arsehole, you were to say such things to her and to hurt in such a painful that resulted in you destroying her?"

"Alice, I'm giving her life. With me, she doesn't stand a chance." I let my anger get the best of me and now I was yelling, yelling because she was right.

At the sound of my growl, Jasper took a protective stance in front Alice, shielding her from me.

"Just because you stomped all over you girlfriend's feelings and are now heart broken yourself, do not take it out on my wife." He shouted, baring his teeth at me. The anger was radiating off of Jasper, as were his nasty thoughts that came unwelcome into my mind, sending me into such a rage that I found myself in a crouched position ready to pounce.

"Edward, Jasper, stop it the both of you." Carlisle ordered, stepping in between the two of us." Now Jasper, it is not up to you to question Edward's decision as it was his and his alone. And Edward does not snap at others, we will respect your decision but that does not mean we will like it or have to like it. "

He was right, I mused silently to myself, they all were, but I couldn't admit to that, I made my decision and now I was going to stick to it. And even though I didn't have my Bella to comfort at least I will always have her memory. Slowly I got out of my crouched position and apologized to everyone and told them that I would meet them in Alaska. Racing back to the car, I got in and speed away, left completely alone to my thoughts, to Bella.

I know that I had no right to go see, as it was me that caused her all that pain but, I couldn't help myself. I wanted to commit her to my memory, even if it meant that she would haunt me for all eternity, it was after all, what I deserved.

She was lying on her bed, her body being racked by sobs; she had the lullaby that I created for her, going on the stereo. And when it stopped, she stopped crying for a second, to turn and put it on again. I hated seeing her like this, but I knew I couldn't take it back now and I had no right to either, Bella deserved so much better. She deserved to be with a guy that she could actually be with. Someone that would never leave her that could never hurt even if it was by accident or because he was trying to do what was best for her. And I truly hope that she finds that guy, but mostly I wish it was me.

"**I keep asking myself, wondering how  
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out  
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me  
nobody else so we can be free  
nobody else so we can be free."**

As I was about to go I heard a car pull silently up. If I had been for attention I probably would have realized someone was coming much sooner. Scared of being I quickly jumped on the roof, but there I saw Alice and Jasper, staring at me sadly.

"Jasper, he wants to say goodbye to Bella one more time, put her to sleep please." Alice said calmly to Jasper, who simply nodded and then vanished, going through her window.

I was always shocked at how close Alice and Jasper were to each other. Neither had the actual gift to talk to people through their minds, it just seemed that they had got to point where they knew each other so well it was like they could talk to one another. I was so impressed by that I had often hoped that one day Bella and I get to that point too; then again it would help if I could even just read her mind. But then again when I told her I was leaving, for once I was happy, because I would hate to have heard what was going through her mind to make her body crumble completely like it.

"She's asleep now, it's not exactly deep, but it's the bets that I could do." Jasper told us as rejoined us on the roof. "So be quick Edward."

I didn't need anything other incentive and I was in the window in less than a second. As I moved over to Bella, I couldn't help but overhear Jasper go to Alice, "Not that he has any right to."

"I know what you mean Jasper, and he knows to, but even thought his seems like the worst possible way for Edward to try and protect and even though he's doing more damage to her this way, he's trying to do what's right. Even if it is totally wrong." She told him sighing. "I'm just hoping that it won't take him too long to see the error of his ways, because Bella is definitely in for a rough time."

"**All the things she said  
All the things she said  
Running through my head  
Running through my head  
Running through my head  
(Running through my head)  
All the things she said  
All the things she said  
Running through my head  
Running through my head  
All the things she said  
All the things she said  
(All the things she said)  
This is not enough  
This is not enough"**

Taking my attention from them, because if they said anything else about how stupid I was being, I would seriously reconsider for fifty millionth time already about leaving and I knew I couldn't do that. No matter how bad they thought Bella was going to react, I know that some how she would be ok, or at least I hoped.

Finding a piece of spare paper, I scribbled a fast note and left it on her bedside table. Then I gathered all the things that would remind of me of her, such as her strawberry shampoo, weird I know yes, but it was part of her that drove me crazy and hopefully something that would keep me sane as I pined for her for the rest of my life. I also took a couple of photos that showed Bella at her best and then last of all swiped a t-shirt or two, ones that she had worn recently and still had her scent lingering on them.

Then I turned Bella, the goddess of my dreams, and gently laid my lips on her, feeling the lovely warmth, that I craved with every fiber of body, before taking my last glance at her and then I was gone. Out of her life just like that.

"**And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed  
They say it's my fault but I want her so much  
Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain  
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame  
When they stop and stare - don't worry me  
'Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me  
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget  
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head"**

"Edward, please reconsider. Go back to her tell her it was all a lie. That you love her that you always have." Alice begged of me, after seeing another vision which I blocked from my mind, not wanting to know what was going on with my Bella, as it would be too hard for me to try and pretend that what I had done was right.

"NO ALICE!" I yelled, not wanting to go down this same path for the tenth time this day.

"Edward you'll regret not listening to me, mark my words one day you'll wish you had listened to me." Alice yelled at me, while poking me in the chest before finally walking off, with Jasper following right behind her and then Rosalie and Emmet too.

"**All the things she said  
All the things she said  
Running through my head  
Running through my head  
Running through my head  
All the things she said  
All the things she said  
Running through my head  
Running through my head  
All the things she said  
All the things she said"**

I looked at Esme and Carlisle, the only people left in the room, to see if they too were going to desert me too.

"Esme?"

"**Mother looking at me  
tell me what do you see?  
Yes, I've lost my mind"**

"I'm sorry Edward, but I just can't lie to you and say that I agree with what you've done. I just can't." Esme said sadly, walking away.

"Carlisle? Please, tell me you agree with me. Tell me what I did was right. Please?" I asked him, my voice cracking under all of the emotions.

"**Daddy looking at me  
will I ever be free?  
Have I crossed the line?"**

"No, I'm sorry son, but what you did was not right. It furthest thing from being right." And with that he left me alone too and I only myself to blame.

Oh Bella what have I done? Putting my hands to my head, I sank into my couch, remembering all the wonderful times that I had once experienced with Bella.

**Flashback**

"Edward?" Bella whispered, as I sat with her on my lap in silence, content with just listening to her heart beat.

"Yes, Bella?"

"I love you." She whispered softly." And I always will."

"The same goes for me Bella, you're my life now." I whispered back, kissing her on the nape of her neck.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I'd do it a thousand times over, just to be with you."

"No Bella, I don't deserve you."

End of FlashBack

"**All the things she said  
All the things she said  
Running through my head  
Running through my head  
Running through my head  
All the things she said  
All the things she said  
Running through my head  
Running through my head  
All the things she said  
All the things she said  
This is not enough  
This is not enough  
All the things she said  
All the things she said  
All the things she said  
All the things she said  
All the things she said  
All the things she said."**


	3. Chapter 3: I Hate EveryThing About You

**Author's Note: **

Thanks for the reviews; it's always nice to hear that people like what you're writing and its great encouragement. Couple of things I want to clear up, this story isn't going along the same lines of New Moon, I am simply having it that Edward has left Bella, which is one of the reasons why I didn't have Bella jumping off the cliff. And secondly this chapter is to the song I Hate Everything about You by Three Doors Grace and is in the point of view from Bella when Edward left her and it will also show you why he did in the first place more in depth. Of course I don't own anything as Twilight and New Moon were created by the magnificent Stephenie Meyer and I don't own the song either.

Chapter 3:

"Argghh," I grumbled to myself, as I stomped off to go have a shower, hoping to calm myself down. Edward and I had just had another fight, a big one this time. And when I say a big one I mean bigger than normal, it's because he still refuses to change me. Of course it was the same old argument, "I don't want you to have to live this kind of life… I don't want you to regret it… I don't want to see you go through that kind of pain." It just gets me so annoyed; it's always what he wants, WHAT ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!

**I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you**

Turning on the taps, unchanged and waited for the water to heat up, before I stepped in. Ok so maybe he did have a point, maybe it would hurt, but that didn't matter if I woke up and saw his smiling face, I would be happy. And maybe one day I might regret, but that would probably only be for a split second, because then I'd see him and go this is why I did this, because I love him and everything would be OK. But then again maybe if I just drop the subject for a while, maybe he thinks I'm over it, and then when he's not looking, I can hit him with it. I smiled evilly, yes this just might work. But for now I needed to apologies him, for being so stubborn so that he won't think anything is up.

**Every time we lie awake  
after every hit we take  
every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet  
every roommate kept awake  
by every silent scream we make  
all the feelings that I get  
But I still don't missed you yet  
only when I stop to think about it**

Edward was lying on my bed with his back to me, when I walked in smelling of strawberries, a smell I knew was hard for him not to resist. But yet he still didn't turn around.

"Edward?" I asked hesitantly, while making my way over to the bed and sitting down on the edge.

"Yes Bella?" he replied, not turning around.

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have brought it up again. Can you forgive me?" All of a sudden too fast for me to see, Edward had spun around and lifted me onto his lap, leaving trails of kisses up and down my neck.

"No I'm sorry; I shouldn't have let my temper get the best of me. And I promise, I'll never put you in that kind of situation again."

"Edward, you can't help your temper and besides, I said I'd always love you no matter what. So there's nothing to forgive. Now are you going to join me in this bed, or am I going to have to sleep alone?" I asked, blushing slightly at the thought of us sharing a bed.

**Every time we lie awake  
after every hit we take  
every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet  
only when I stop to think about it**

"Not tonight Bella." Edward told me, as he tucked me underneath the sheets.

"Oh will I see you tomorrow then, we were meant to go to the meadow."

"No, you won't see me tomorrow."

"Edward, are you going on a hunting trip or something?" I asked him curiously. I haven't been alone at night for so long and certainly not during the day either, unless Edward was on a hunting trip and it hadn't been that long since his last one, only a couple of days or so. So something has to be up.

**I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you**

"No Bella, I'm not."

"Then where are you going?" I was getting scared now and it showed in my eyes, because Bella started stroking my cheek, to help me calm down, but I wasn't in the mood for calming down, not at all. "Edward what is going on?"

"We're leaving Bella." He told me simply, avoiding my eyes. My breath caught in my throat, as I took in what his words meant.

"You're leaving?" I choked." As in for good, right?"

"Yes, we won't be coming back." Edward told me, finally looking me in the eyes.

**Only when I stop to think about you  
I know  
only when you stop to think about me  
do you know**

"And I can't come with you?" I asked desperate to hear him, say of course you can, I wouldn't leave without you. But he didn't say it; he wouldn't even look me in the eye, when he was breaking my heart.

"No, you can't Bella, I'm sorry, but you'll never see me again." That's when the tears started cascading down my cheeks and then the sobs erupted from my chest. As quick as lighting Edward wrapped his arms around me and brought me to his chest and tried to soothe me, but I pushed him away and screamed at him.

**I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
you hate everything about me  
Why do you love me**

"GET OUT!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!!!!!!!" I sobbed bringing my knees up to my chest and just whispered it over and over again as if it was my mantra.

**I hate  
you hate  
I hate  
you love me**

"I'm sorry Bella, I truly am. I never meant to hurt this much. I love you Bella remember that, goodbye. And then Edward reached down and kissed me on the forehead. And then he was gone.

"Edward," I yelled," come back. I love you, I love you, I'm sorry. Edward."

**I hate everything about you  
why do I love you**


	4. Chapter 4: Here With Me

**Author's Note:**

Ok thank you to all the reviews and sorry that this has taken a while, but hopefully it was worth the wait. This chapter is about Bella is still holding on to the relationship that she had with Edward and the song is Here with Me by Dido.

Chapter 3:

**I didn't hear you leave  
I wonder how am I still here**

I collapsed on the bed, exhausted from all the crying, which had also given me a rather large headache. School had been hard, everyone asking questions about Edward and the rest of the Cullen's, wondering why they had left. This only made the whole in my heart larger than before.

**And I don't want to move a thing  
it might change my memory**

Lifting my head from my pillow, I saw the photo of Edward and me, the one that had been taken outside their house. He had his arms around my waist, pulling me in tightly, as if wanting to suck in all my warmth, as he rested his chin on my head and me with smile so huge at the thought that this wonderful, magnificent creature had let me into his life. Just thinking back to that memory, bought a whole lot of new tears cascading down my face.

"Bella, honestly how long are you going to cry over that boy?" My father asked as he invited himself into my room. "This is unhealthy Bella." He told me.

As if Charlie would know what was healthy, the man practically lived on fast food until I came along; if it wasn't for me he'd be six feet under due to a heart attack.

And if it wasn't for Edward then so would I. this realization just made the tears pour down harder and Charlie get even grumpier.

"He's not worth it Bella, he's not worth your tears." Charlie said getting up from my bed and making his way over to the door. "And you'll see that soon enough."

"No Dad, that's the problem, I'm not good enough for him, and I knew it all along. He deserves better."

"Then why are you crying if you felt that way?"

"Because I just wish that I could have been good enough one day." I cried putting my head back in my pillow."

"That's pathetic Bella that is really pathetic." Charlie told me, as he closed the door, making me cry harder. Even my own Dad didn't want me now.

**Oh I am what I am  
I do what I want  
But I can't hide**

"Bella I think it would be best if you went to go live with your mother. I can't handle you anymore and I think your mother would take much better care of you." Charlie told me on the rare occasion that I had managed to get out of my bed and make his dinner.

"No Dad, I don't want to go I want to stay here. With you." I whispered softly, tears trying to make their way out of my eyes.

"No you don't Bella, you want to stay here in the faint hope that Edward will return. Well I'll tell you Bella, he's not coming back. HE IS NEVER COMING BACK!!!" Charlie's words hit me like a tonne of bricks.

"I'm not going Dad, you can't make me go." I cried rushing out of the room.

**And I won't go  
I won't sleep  
I can't breathe  
until you're resting here with me**

"Bella," Charlie called, racing up in the stairs." How dare you walk away from me, when I was talking to you, do you have no respect?"

"I'm sorry Dad, but I just had to get away, I mean you don't want me here anymore do you? You just want to get rid of me."

"That's not true Bella, I do want you here, but I can't take care of you not in this condition. Your not yourself, you wont go to school, you wont eat. All you want to do is sleep and cry. How am I supposed to help you? How tell me?" Charlie cried, and I mean actually crying, as in tears.

"I don't know Dad, I just don't. I'm sorry." I whispered my voice cracking more than once.

"Listen Bella, please you need to be more active about your life, you have to get over him. Or you need to get out." Charlie stated as if the answer was simple. Giving me a small smile, he then left, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

**I don't want to call my friends  
for they might wake me from this dream  
and I can't leave this bed  
Risk forgetting all that's been**

As much as I didn't want to leave here, I couldn't get over Edward, he was my life. Forgetting him would be like dying.

This meant there was only one thing left to do, I had to leave.

**Oh I am what I am  
I do what I want  
But I can't hide**

**And I won't go  
I won't sleep  
I can't breathe  
until you're resting here with me**


	5. Chapter 5: Lost Without You

Author's Note:

Wow, it has been yonks since I've added to this, but right now at school, it's exam time so since I cant be bothered to study I'm gonna be writing instead so HOORAY!!!!!!! Anywhoo, this next chapter is in Edward's chapter and the song is Lost without You by Delta Goodrem and I feel that it really captures how Edward feels. But yes I hope you enjoy and next chapter is back to Bella, right before you over doses so YAY! Not about Bella over dosing though that's sad, it's just nice to finally get there. Any ways ENJOY!!!

Chapter Four:

**I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes  
A little righteous and too proud**

"Oh, why did I let Edward talk me into leaving?" I heard Alice thinking. And truthfully I don't know how I did it. I don't know how I managed to pull myself away from Bella, my sweet glorious Bella. Well she isn't mine anymore hopefully she has moved on. So I should be happy for her shouldn't I? But I don't. The thought of her being with someone else makes me ache, as if I'm going through the transformation all over again.

**All I know is I'm lost without you  
I'm not gonna lie  
how am I gonna be strong without you  
I need you by my side **

"Edward please, try to control your emotions, I can barely be in the same room as you now don't make it harder to be in the house all together." Jasper moaned, clutching his head and he lay curled up in a ball.**  
**

"I'm sorry Jasper, but I can't help it. I just miss her so much, I love her." I had broken down, soon I was in the exact position as Jasper and we both sobbed together.

"Come on Edward we're going to school." Rosalie called, annoyed that I was mourning over Bella.

"NO! I don't want to go." I yelled sounding like a child who hadn't gotten its way.

**I keep trying to find my way  
and all I know is I'm lost without you  
I keep trying to face the day  
I'm lost without you  
**

"Well your going! I've had enough of this stupid bloody depression. GET OVER YOURSELF!"

"Why can't you leave me in peace?" I yelled at her my anger threatening to boil over, if it wasn't for Jasper pouncing on me attempting to calm me.

"Do not yell at me Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" Rosalie screeched, breaking a few windows with her voice." YOU are the one who made ME move. It is your fault we are here so don't be yelling at me, because of your stupid mistakes." She huffed and walked away.

"Come on Edward could you at least make an effort." Alice asked me calmly.

"Why bother, I don't care about anything if I can't be with her." I sniffed, the hole in my dead heart threatening to tear open.

"Then go back to her Edward, before the damage is to much for both of you to bear." Alice was trying to reason with me again, she had tried on numerous times, this time though she was coming close to accomplishing it.

"But don you see Alice? I'm saving her by being here. For once in my whole undead life I'm doing something and right and completely unselfish." She needed to understand, why couldn't any of them understand. I was doing this for her. I don't care about me. This is all for Bella. Though as much as I said that my heart wouldn't take it as a good enough excuse as to why it was broken.

**How am I ever gonna get rid of these blues  
baby I'm so lonely all the time  
everywhere I go I get so confused  
your the only thing that's on my mind**

I had found a quite area, where no one could bother me. A place much like my meadow but one thing was missing Bella. Even as the sun warmed my back, it couldn't warm my heart as Bella used to when she said she loved me. Oh how I longed to hear her say those words again, to have her take my hand in hers and just spread warmth throughout my whole body with a single mind.

Suddenly being here with the sun shining down on me, making my skin glitter just how Bella liked it, didn't seem that warm at all. The thought of leaving her behind and her crying, plunged me into icy water, leaving me gasping for air. I wanted to get up to run, to find my way back to her, back into her heart.

No, I scolded myself, if by you being here hurting like crazy means Bella is safe then you will lay here and take it.

I forced myself to lay still and think of all the things that Bella could be doing right now, all the people she could be talking to, seeing all the laughs she's sharing with someone other than me. And I forced myself to think that she no longer loved me, that she moved on, something that shattered me to my very core.

**If I could only hold you now  
make the pain just go away  
can't stop the tears from running down my face**

My body rocked as Bella played across my mind, all the times that she said she loved me and how I wished I could still claim her heart as mine.

Maybe, I said thinking to myself, if I wish it and dream it and think it hard enough, I'll get to see her one last time, if only it was possible. The very thought sent my body through another wave of grief.

After hours my body lay still, the first time in my vampiric life, I felt tired, almost as if I was human. I could feel my eyes closing almost on their own accord and soon I stopped fighting it.

Maybe if I feel asleep, if God could be so kind to let me so then I'd dream of Bella.

A smile on my face, I did just that.

**I'm lost without your love  
I keep trying to find my way  
and all I know is  
I'm lost without you**


	6. Chapter 6: No Saving Me

**Author's Note:**

Ok, so this chapter is back to Bella's point of view and it is right up to the point of where she commits suicide. So you kinda need to read this one people! If you want to keep up with the story line. Now the song I used for this one is called No Saving Me by Walls of Jericho and it fits this chapter so well it is almost like it was made for it. Now I just want to say that this chapter does include suicide thoughts and feelings and for those who perhaps have experienced suicide or those who easily get upset by reading things about it, this might be a little hard for you, because I did go in to detail. So just a heads up, I hope you enjoy. And thank you very much to the reviews that I have gotten for it. Xxxxxx.

**Chapter Five:**

**Inside these broken lines  
A disruption of our lives  
Insanity kicks in  
**

"Bella…" I heard a smooth, velvety voice call. "Bella…"

"Edward." I yelled, turning around swiftly hoping to see my angel there.

Nothing.

**And all I see is another dead end  
So close your eyes  
And escape from what you hide **

He wasn't there. Nor was he coming back. He didn't want me anymore, I told myself, so stop hoping that he'll return.

At the thought that he wouldn't return that he never was, I woke up. From all the lies I had told myself, all the ideas that this was a temporary thing and that he'd returned to me soon.

All the lies that I had told myself, to keep me warm at night, to keep the love I had for him strong, shattered before my very eyes at the realization that he wasn't coming back and that I had been stupid enough to believe it.

Sobs echoed around my room, as all walls I had built up had come crushing down. My will to live going with it. What else did I have to live for if there was to be no Edward in my life?

Charlie? Well he had wanted me gone, couldn't stand to have me around anymore, which is how I found myself in a grubby apartment in the middle of Seattle, something I can barely afford and was at risk of being kicked out if I couldn't come up with this month's rent. But else could I do I already had to drop out of school so that I could work full time, but the money just wasn't good enough and I was sure to be on the street soon. A situation I was not looking forward to.

Renee? She hadn't wanted to talk to me ever since she found out how worked up I got over Edward, screamed at me for letting myself fall for someone like that so hard. She yelled and said if I had been smarter then maybe I wouldn't have gotten my heart broken if I had protected myself better.

So really there was no reason to live, no reason to keep on breathing, to force my heart to beat. Because no one wanted to me and I had been kidding myself to think so.

But oh how I wished Edward had wanted me, like I wanted him. He was all I ever wanted and needed and he took that away from me, the day he left and took my heart as well. And now that I know that he's never going to come back, there is no more reason to wait.

I crawled to the bathroom, not trusting to walk on my two disastrous feet, to see what I had in there that could help towards my demise.

At the thought I stopped myself. Was I, Isabella Marie Swan, going to kill herself? I was, I thought to myself, I was going to kill myself. And as scary as the whole prospect of no longer living of giving up on this cruel world. I was ready for it. The day that Edward Cullen left I ceased to exist anyway, my life was over long ago, I mean the very minute I knew what he was I was willing to give it up for him, I guess in a way I still am. Its funny how things work out, I laughed to myself.

**I'm better off cutting my own throat  
In hope for once  
That you might hear me**

Searching through the cabinets, I found that I didn't have any kind of medication really, except for some anti-depressants that Charlie insisted I'd take, to try and make me feel better, yeah fat lot of help that did. I found a razor but I really didn't want to go out like that, besides I could probably only do one cut before fainting from the smell of it and really that wouldn't do any lasting damage which was what I was hoping for. Nope, I said to myself I'm going to have to go with the anti-depressants.

"But hey, I said out loud to myself, "let's have some fun with it. Just taking the drugs isn't going to be good enough; no I want to go out with a bang." I giggled to myself, feeling slightly crazy that I was talking to nobody but me, but hey sometimes you got to be your own best friend.

**I know I can at least count  
On the mess never judging me  
I'm breaking out from all I've come to be**

Grabbing the anti-depressants, I made my way back on my hands and knees, to my bedroom, to get ready to go out.

Yes, that is right. Bella Swan, the girl hasn't gone out unless it was for work, in the past two months is going out, for a good old time. This again made me giggle, because I knew I was doing something that Edward Cullen would not agree with. I was putting myself in danger, something that he had tried very hard to keep from. Well I hope this hurts him.

"I HOPE YOU SUFFER EDWARD CULLEN, I HOPE YOU DIE FOR ALL THE PAIN YOU PUT ME THROUGH!"

**Alone I've gone through hell  
And back to try to feel  
And there is no saving me **

After my little rant, I moved to grab my purse, before tripping and landing on my face down and coming into eye contact with a bunch of photos that I had stashed underneath the bed. Of me and him.

How beautiful he is, I sighed, before shoving it away from my line of sight and reaching for the sock full of money, taking all of it, that I had worked so hard to save up for.

"Because," I told myself, staring at the reflection in the mirror," it's not like I'm going to be coming back and it's not like you need money once you're dead." Giggling at my actions, I put some lip gloss on, before deciding that I was ready for a night on the town.

"Misterr can I get another vodkaa?" I asked, batting my eyelids, while trying to remain upright on my seat.

"I think you've had enough love." The man said to me, making me angry. Who was he to tell me what to do? I had had enough of this when I was in love with Edward. If I wanted to be changed then that was my choice, not his! and if I wanted enough vodka after I'd already had three, then I was going to get one!

"Pleasee?" I asked again, pouting, knowing that he wouldn't be able to refuse.

"Oh, alright, but I hope your not driving home." He told me, as he poured me another shot.

"Na huh, me no drive home, I'm a good girl." I told him, as I grabbed hungrily for the glass.

"I'm sure you are." He said to me with a twinkle in his. Disgusted I moved away from the bar, which didn't seem as glamorous as it first had when I walked in. headed outside for some fresh air, I found a nice alleyway, where I could sit for a while with my good friend Ms. Vodka.

I was about to drink it down straight, when I remembered the pills in my bag. Heck I didn't go through all that effort of flirting with the bouncer so that he'd let me in, to not do the job properly.

I placed my glass on the floor, losing a bit of it at my sloppy actions, as I rummaged through my bag for the pills, or candy as I called them. Pouring about ten into my hands I picked up my glass with the other hand.

Without a second thought I opened my mouth as wide as I could and quickly swallowed the pills before sculling the vodka down.

"There," I said to myself," all gone."

**How long will I take to bleed  
These is no saving me  
How far will you go to hold on**

It wasn't long before I started to feel the affects of what I had taken. I vomited twice, but forced myself to keep it down. My head was feeling drowsy and all the happiness I had felt before had started to wear off and kind of regretted what I had done.

I grieved for the people I was leaving behind, the people I hadn't said goodbye to, but that seemed to take more energy out of me. And so I just laid there and wished that things had worked out differently. And wished that I had Edward to come and save me from myself. But this only made me sob harder because he will probably be happy to know that I'm gone.

As my mind clouded over more, I knew that this was it. That I wouldn't be waking up and so I quietly whispered goodbye. Although knowing that no one would hear me, I just wanted to get it off my chest.

"Goodbye Edward, my love. You may have hurt me, but I wouldn't have changed anything because at least even if only for a short while, I thought I was good enough for you."

Just as my eyes were about to close for the last time, I heard a screech of a cars tires and heard someone running towards me, screaming at me, but I couldn't care.

Because I could hear Edward, telling me he loved me, Edward calling my name, Edward showing me his meadow, which soon become ours, Edward kissing me on the neck. Just me and Edward, how I always dreamed it would.

But there was someone shaking me, telling me to wake up, I wanted to tell them to go away, that I was happy here, but I didn't have the strength, so I just kept my eyes closed, whispered that I loved Edward, and let the blackness seep over me.

**Alone I've gone through hell  
And back to try to feel  
And there is no saving me **


End file.
